Tuesday, January 10, 2012

ABC's of Marriage-B is for "Be a "builder" not a "plucker!"

Yesterday we talked about anticipating...today let's think about this.

B is for Build-up

What would you think if one day while you were sitting down with your family for dinner a stranger walked into your house and started knocking out walls, breaking windows and lifting floor boards?  Silly question, but one to think about since the Bible uses a similar example when describing the foolish woman. 

"Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."

There are several ways in which we as woman can tear down our homes, and I know that we all have been guilty of some of them.  Here are just a few that I thought of.

1)  Harsh words-  As Christian woman, we should really think before we speak, listen more than we talk and when we do speak, think about how we are saying it and for what intention.  I am so guilty of this and I'll be the first to admit it.  I ask the Lord to as the Bible states..."Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips,"  Psalm 141:3.  How you speak to your children and your husband are so important in the message you give to people.  Do you come across as just a loud mouth, bossy woman?  No man likes this and God can't stand it most of all!  The Bible references how "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house,"  Proverbs 21:9.  Basically...It would be far more comfortable for your husband (or mine) to live on the corner of the roof than in the same house with you or I if we are being argumentative, impossible, loud and demeaning.  Acting this way is like, figuratively speaking, ripping the foundation of your marriage and your husbands leadership in the home apart one word at a time.  I know this is hard to digest...it is for me.  But I sincerely have asked the Lord to just teach me to "Be Quiet."  It is the wise woman who learns that there are times to just swallow your pride and keep your mouth quiet.  So many arguments will be avoided and there will be peace in the home.  One of the distinctive marks of a Godly, Christian lady is how she treats her husband. As I was reading this week, I felt that God said to me..."Don't you think for one minute you are being Godly if you are bucking against the leadership of your husband."  No, I don't do it all the time....no I'm not demeaning, but there are things personally that I know God showed me that I need to always watch and you better believe I will...I don't want to have a part in demolishing my home.  How about you?  What are your areas?  We all have them, don't we?  It's the humble heart that admits their faults and then through the power of the Holy Spirit overcomes them...God already knows we aren't perfect...but he sees the heart that is willing and really wants to do right.

If you would like to read more on this topic click here or here.

2)  Having a "know it all" attitude-  Let me ask you another question...How do you feel when you try to teach your children something and they argue and argue that their way is right and you have no idea what your talking about?  Now....how do you think your husband feels when you carry on and whine and complain that your way is right and that he doesn't know what he's talking about?  It is the natural tendency of woman to be this way...so it would behoove us to learn early on that 1)  Our way isn't always right  2)  Our husbands don't have to do everything just like we do (if that's what your waiting for you will be forever disappointed)  and 3)  It isn't going to kill us to just give up the "control" issue and let our husband lead.  Don't forget that God has put the husband in the leadership position and your husband is going to have to answer for how he leads the home.  Our job is to respect our husbands (I know that there are situations where this isn't always easy) and let God do the rest.  

Click here for more great information on this subject!

3)  Holding Sexual Intimacy over your husbands head-If you want to know one thing that will send your marriage down the tubes really quick...this is it.  Withholding sex from your husband because of bitterness, strife, unresolved issues or whatever the case may be is like putting the welcome mat out for Satan to come into your marriage.  Once he has that open door he will be in faster than you can blink and eye and you'll be left wondering..."how did that happen?"  All of us wives need to be reminded of this because it is our natural tendency to forget it thinking,"It's no big deal."  On the contrary it's a very big deal because in case you have noticed we live in a very sex driven society and men are bombarded and confronted with sex, provactively dressed woman, etc...more than ever.  That's the world we live in.  So it would behoove us as wives to fulfill our husbands need for sexual intimacy before someone or something else does.  It happens ALL the time. There are plenty of Christian men who are caught up in the dangerous/addictive world of pornography...don't believe me?  There are plenty of statistics to back me up.   I've included some really great articles at the bottom of this post that I hope you will read.  I know when I did it certainly changed my thinking.  I know there are plenty of people out there who have sttuations/circumstances that make it very difficult for you as a wife to want to be intimate with your husband, I get it.  If this is the case I pray that you will sincerely seek getting those issues resolved...it is so important for the health of your marriage.  As a married couple you should always be "working on things" because both of you haven't arrived and that's what makes marriage so great...two people who know they aren't perfect but really strive to be the best they can be for each other.  God honors that!  I pray that even as you read this you will consider doing something unexpected and romantic for your husband.  Put aside whatever inadequacies you think you may have and be the initiator.  Your husband will love it!  Sexual intimacy is biblical, fun and like "glue" for your marriage. 

Please take the time to read this article...it is so good.

This article will help you understand why sex is so important to your husband.

I know I'm taking these things to heart...I hope you will too.

Monday, January 9, 2012

The ABC's of Marriage

Hey guys...I know it has been far too long since I have posted anything.  It seems that the months just got away from me with the holidays, birthdays, our Anniversary etc...I keep telling myself that I need to blog more regularly, but honestly it's hard to find the time without taking time from things that really need my attention.  Having said that, I really hope this year to be able to spend more time writing and posting...I have a million things in my head...and they are all things I'd like to share with you.

One of the things I've really been thinking about is marriage.  For no particular reason I suppose but yet for a dozen all at the same time.  Marriage isn't easy...it actually takes a lot of work.  But it is definitely worth all the work when you reap the benefits of a healthy marriage...one in which both spouses give and take and both serve each other.  I thought it would be fun and helpful to go through the alphabet one day at a time and give some thought relevant to that particular letter.  I want to add that I don't think I have it all together or that I somehow do these things all the time (like I wish I did)...I'm writing them as a reminder to myself at the same time.  All of us ladies need to be reminded of how to love and respect our husbands.  It won't always come natural...it takes work and initiative on our parts.  Granted my husband is a doll and he is easy to love but it still takes work...human nature is to forget, but we need to train ourselves to remember.


I thought a good way to start this whole thing off is to give something really easy and at the same time so helpful to our marriage.  ANTICIPATE when your husband comes home for the day.  If us ladies have plans (maybe shopping, crafting, parties etc...) we look forward to it and we plan around it.  When the person "we just couldn't wait to marry" comes home we should do the same thing.  If you know your husband is coming home at a certain time...get things ready for it.  It will do wonders for your spouse if when he opens the door to home he sees the ones he's been working for all day excited to see him.  Chances are he's tired and some days really beaten down from work.  It's not easy to do the same thing day after day, putting up with tough bosses, long hours and a lot of times inadequate pay for how hard they work.  Home should be the one place he is always the hero and the one place where he knows his company is desired and needed.  It will make him feel like a million bucks to see his loved ones waiting for him.  I did some research and found some really good ideas to help us ANTICIPATE our husbands homecoming.  I found these really helpful for myself and I hope you will too!

1)  Ask your husband to give you a heads up when he's on his way home (I'll be home in 15 min).

2)  Tidy up the house.  Your husband shouldn't have to come home to a messy house and kick his way through toys and clothes.  Have some large baskets ready and when it's almost time for Dad to be home give a shout out to the kids,"Dad's almost home!"  That's their cue to grab up whatever is laying around and toss it into a basket.  Don't worry if it isn't all organized...you can do it later.  Dad will appreciate not tripping and slipping in the door.  After a while the kids will think it's a game and probably will even enjoy doing it.

3)  Tidy up the kids.  Chances are that after a hard day your husband doesn't want to come home and get jelly all over his face when he kisses the kids.  Have all the kids wash their hands and faces in readiness for Dad's arrival.  Change any soiled shirts and give a quick comb through their hair.  We do these things for school, church and company...why not do it for the most important person in our life?

4)  Tidy up yourself.  Are you still wearing sweats with your hair falling all over the place?  Go put on a decent outfit (I didn't say your Sunday best) fix your hair, make-up and give yourself a spray of perfume.  Not only will your husband enjoy seeing you fixed up but I find it always makes me feel better about myself as well. 

5)  Lastly...have all the kids ready to shower Dad with love, kisses and "Daddy, you're home!!!"
You too Mom...give your husband a kiss, tell him you love him and appreciate how hard he's been working all day.  Make him feel like the day just got better because he came home.

I know it seems like a lot to do...but that my friend is life.  All great things take work and sacrifice.  Doing things like this in marriage will not only benefit your husband but you as well.  When we respect our husbands their biblical command to "love their wives" just got easier.   Here's a news flash...when we got married we signed up for a life of service (not being a slave...I didn't say that).  Life isn't all about us.  You will find that all successful marriages are those in which both spouses serve each other...and in serving each other...both are extremely fulfilled.  God's way's always work!