Tuesday, January 10, 2012

ABC's of Marriage-B is for "Be a "builder" not a "plucker!"

Yesterday we talked about anticipating...today let's think about this.

B is for Build-up

What would you think if one day while you were sitting down with your family for dinner a stranger walked into your house and started knocking out walls, breaking windows and lifting floor boards?  Silly question, but one to think about since the Bible uses a similar example when describing the foolish woman. 

"Every wise woman builds her house, but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands."

There are several ways in which we as woman can tear down our homes, and I know that we all have been guilty of some of them.  Here are just a few that I thought of.

1)  Harsh words-  As Christian woman, we should really think before we speak, listen more than we talk and when we do speak, think about how we are saying it and for what intention.  I am so guilty of this and I'll be the first to admit it.  I ask the Lord to as the Bible states..."Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips,"  Psalm 141:3.  How you speak to your children and your husband are so important in the message you give to people.  Do you come across as just a loud mouth, bossy woman?  No man likes this and God can't stand it most of all!  The Bible references how "It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house,"  Proverbs 21:9.  Basically...It would be far more comfortable for your husband (or mine) to live on the corner of the roof than in the same house with you or I if we are being argumentative, impossible, loud and demeaning.  Acting this way is like, figuratively speaking, ripping the foundation of your marriage and your husbands leadership in the home apart one word at a time.  I know this is hard to digest...it is for me.  But I sincerely have asked the Lord to just teach me to "Be Quiet."  It is the wise woman who learns that there are times to just swallow your pride and keep your mouth quiet.  So many arguments will be avoided and there will be peace in the home.  One of the distinctive marks of a Godly, Christian lady is how she treats her husband. As I was reading this week, I felt that God said to me..."Don't you think for one minute you are being Godly if you are bucking against the leadership of your husband."  No, I don't do it all the time....no I'm not demeaning, but there are things personally that I know God showed me that I need to always watch and you better believe I will...I don't want to have a part in demolishing my home.  How about you?  What are your areas?  We all have them, don't we?  It's the humble heart that admits their faults and then through the power of the Holy Spirit overcomes them...God already knows we aren't perfect...but he sees the heart that is willing and really wants to do right.

If you would like to read more on this topic click here or here.

2)  Having a "know it all" attitude-  Let me ask you another question...How do you feel when you try to teach your children something and they argue and argue that their way is right and you have no idea what your talking about?  Now....how do you think your husband feels when you carry on and whine and complain that your way is right and that he doesn't know what he's talking about?  It is the natural tendency of woman to be this way...so it would behoove us to learn early on that 1)  Our way isn't always right  2)  Our husbands don't have to do everything just like we do (if that's what your waiting for you will be forever disappointed)  and 3)  It isn't going to kill us to just give up the "control" issue and let our husband lead.  Don't forget that God has put the husband in the leadership position and your husband is going to have to answer for how he leads the home.  Our job is to respect our husbands (I know that there are situations where this isn't always easy) and let God do the rest.  

Click here for more great information on this subject!

3)  Holding Sexual Intimacy over your husbands head-If you want to know one thing that will send your marriage down the tubes really quick...this is it.  Withholding sex from your husband because of bitterness, strife, unresolved issues or whatever the case may be is like putting the welcome mat out for Satan to come into your marriage.  Once he has that open door he will be in faster than you can blink and eye and you'll be left wondering..."how did that happen?"  All of us wives need to be reminded of this because it is our natural tendency to forget it thinking,"It's no big deal."  On the contrary it's a very big deal because in case you have noticed we live in a very sex driven society and men are bombarded and confronted with sex, provactively dressed woman, etc...more than ever.  That's the world we live in.  So it would behoove us as wives to fulfill our husbands need for sexual intimacy before someone or something else does.  It happens ALL the time. There are plenty of Christian men who are caught up in the dangerous/addictive world of pornography...don't believe me?  There are plenty of statistics to back me up.   I've included some really great articles at the bottom of this post that I hope you will read.  I know when I did it certainly changed my thinking.  I know there are plenty of people out there who have sttuations/circumstances that make it very difficult for you as a wife to want to be intimate with your husband, I get it.  If this is the case I pray that you will sincerely seek getting those issues resolved...it is so important for the health of your marriage.  As a married couple you should always be "working on things" because both of you haven't arrived and that's what makes marriage so great...two people who know they aren't perfect but really strive to be the best they can be for each other.  God honors that!  I pray that even as you read this you will consider doing something unexpected and romantic for your husband.  Put aside whatever inadequacies you think you may have and be the initiator.  Your husband will love it!  Sexual intimacy is biblical, fun and like "glue" for your marriage. 

Please take the time to read this article...it is so good.

This article will help you understand why sex is so important to your husband.

I know I'm taking these things to heart...I hope you will too.


The Cutts Clan said...

Hey Vic, I really enjoyed reading this. I must say that this is one area in our lives that we have had no struggles with, yet. :) I know that I am partial ,but Brad truly is an amazing husband. He is so great about fulfilling my needs and desires. And he always puts me first in our relationship. I know some people might wonder why so many children. As we both desired to have a big family, and the Lord allowed that. I have to say that I am worse than he is about wanting more :) And he is right there to support me in that. I have grown to love and respect my husband so much, that I praise God for giving me such a wonderful man. Of course he would tell you that he is just a normal guy :) But to me he is sooo much more. I did read that article. It was great, but I would say too, that I believe a woman's desires can be just as strong as a man's. (Just ask my husband? :) I look forward to more of your wonderful posts!

Faith, Family, Simplicity said...

You're absolutely right Alissa...I didn't mean to leave that out, I was just kind of approaching it from the perspective that a wife needs to fulfill her husbands needs in that area...in a good marriage it all goes both ways...you both give and you both receive...that's what makes it so special...and exciting!